you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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