mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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