As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
