Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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