I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
