I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
