This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
as a side note pls kill me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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