After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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