she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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