Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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