do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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