your room smells of hookers.
And success
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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