Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
