I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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