I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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