i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
