I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
