and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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