hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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