If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The adults are the big ones right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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