I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
