Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This house was built for laser tag.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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