Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
