He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
