you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
whose parrot is this?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
