Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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