i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
