I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
