Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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