Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
