you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
