At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
