Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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