my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well you can't waste a boner
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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