Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
