nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
