She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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