And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
