i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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