you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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