sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
