Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
