I'm pants shitting drunk right now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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