Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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