You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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