i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
