I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
