He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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