I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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