weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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