I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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