This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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